Overtime, our physical bodies start to collect energies that are not ours, as well as blockages that form over time. Our bodies are delicate, and respond to extreme causes of stress by shutting down and closing off. All of us carry our share of wounds and traumas.
These emotional and energetic wounds will continue to stay in our body if we haven’t dealt with them, and by “dealt with” I mean:
- Examined and made conscious
- Illuminated and healed
- Let go of
For example, let’s say that someone has had sexual trauma, like rape or abuse, or in their childhood. Unless that trauma gets some kind of deep healing, the person is going to be wearing the residue of this pain going through their journey.
While letting old wounds and painful memories stay hidden away may seem like the easiest solution, these memories will be brewing within us, wreaking havoc in our nervous system, and ultimately affecting how we are shifting and growing along our journey.
It’s all connected.
It’s like breaking a leg and not going to the hospital, thinking that maybe it will set itself.
Without proper care and healing, the leg won’t heal. It will impede walking, running and living every single day going forward.
The same holds true for our emotional, psychological and spiritual wounds.
Some examples of Sexual Blockages are below:
- Inability to orgasm
- Numb vagina or pain and tightness with intercourse
- Emotional triggering (tears, anxiety) during sex
- Low or no libido
- Needing to use drugs or alcohol in order to have sex
- Needing to be on anti-anxiety or anti-depressant drugs in order to cope with day-to-day life
- PMS, menstrual and menopausal difficulties
- Premature ejaculation
- Growths on reproductive organs
- Growths that eventually led to the organ removal
Our sexual energy is our vital life force energy. Sexual energy isn't always "orgasmic pleasure." This is our creative powerhouse, our self-confidence, and our ability to drop into a state if self-knowing, overflowing love, and our inner power.
Here are five areas to look at in clearing your sexual blocks to open yourself up to your true, radiant and sensual nature:
1) Take time to work towards healing past traumas.
Sexual abuse, wounding and boundary violations all create an energy of defensiveness or body armor. Your true nature will be buried beneath the residue of this protection until you consciously address and heal what happened.
There are many forms of therapy, healing modalities, neural pathway re-wiring and energy work sessions that can help. Experiment and find out what works for you. Yoni Eggs are a great way to get stagnant energy moving and released. Using crystals internally cocreates a new relationship with your body and connection to it. Ultimately, intuitively you know what it best for you and what your body needs. Try sitting for a few minutes, tuning inward and verbally asking out loud what your body would like to receive to initiate the most powerful healing.
2) Examine your belief systems.
We live in a culture where we take in VERY skewed perceptions about sex and our sexuality. One of the biggest sources of sexual condemnation and judgment (with plenty of its own conflicting beliefs) is religion. If you have internalized any of these beliefs—and I think it’s difficult to grow up in this culture and not—you’ll be living them, even if it’s unconscious.
Ask yourself: How do I feel about sex? Where is this belief coming from? Is that what I truly believe, or have I been conditioned to believe that?
You get to choose and recreate your beliefs. Think about subtle programming you may be receiving from porn, TV, and the media in general. Are you creating ways of receiving pleasure and love that work for your body, or are you subconsciously trying to force yourself to do things in a way you were taught you are supposed to? Am I trying to do things in a way that is staged and curated? Am I afraid to make noises, breathe in certain ways, am I afraid of how I may look during sexual activities? It is all about releasing these spoon-fed thoughts, and bursting into a state of vulnerability and fearless self-expression. Your raw presence and giving yourself PERMISSION to be fully expressive and release in whatever way feels good to you is the sexiest thing you could possibly do.
3) Go inside.
You can’t go deep and fearless with another person unless you can go there in yourself. Meditation, breathwork and yoni egg practices are two great tools to bring your attention inward to face the parts of yourself you may have been avoiding. All of these ancient practices offer a gentle way to reconnect with your inner being and live more from that gentle, loving place.
Spend time daily, whether it’s a formal, sit-down meditation, a walk-in-the-woods meditation or a masturbation-meditation to go inward.
To build on the last point, yoga is incredible in opening you up to your own energetic flow. I love how it stretches open the hips and heart—your tools of the intimacy trade—expanding their capacity for love and pleasure.
Yoga will hunt down your blocks and tight areas (I believe all stored tension has an emotional or psychological component to it) and release it. With a regular practice, you keep your system efficiently processing and integrating experiences. You tap into your own natural rhythm of being. Being sexually free and open is part of the natural rhythm of your being.
5) Cultivate a practice of letting go.
The best sex is a sanctuary in which two people let down their guards to be completely naked with each other. “Letting go” encompasses many things: being able to emotionally express yourself, forgiving people, dealing well with stress in an easygoing way, releasing self-doubt and playing small. The list goes on.
The more you embody letting go in all aspects of your life, it carries over into the sexual realm. This, perhaps more than any other factor, is what takes sex from the junk food to the gourmet, the merely physical to the transcendental.
How much you can peel back your layers and show up as the raw, unobstructed, no-hiding version of you, determines how much you enjoy sex.
It’s that simple.
That’s what makes it one of the most powerful methods I know for self-actualization.
Sex isn’t some incidental part of your life or relationship: it’s a massive tool you can use to transform every part of you and unfold into the person you were meant to be.